Today someone threw at me that cliché sentence after I finished a song: “John, this will make you a huge star in the music business”. It made me think. Although I replied by saying something like “Keep dreaming”. Well, I’m free to say that I’m not sure if I want to become a silly stamp of a salesman. As a musician (and I consider myself and my band mates as true, hardworking, musicians) I ambition to be an artisan of music, not “muzak”. I don’t worry that my work’s spreading is small. I don’t bother the payroll being short. I wish to keep truthful to myself and the goals of life that made me departure from Portugal and leave all my family and friends. I came here not to become a rich person, but to enrich my love for music and have the opportunity of doing what I enjoy the most. However, I also need to keep paying my bills. I must be capable of combining both.
“God, that’s a really hard path to take!” – I found myself thinking. All of this is like an infection really hard to fight back. A rash that is too severe not to scratch. It is a concern of all of us in these current times, I think.
Then, briefly, this uncomfortable state of mind ripples apart. A strange feel of accomplishment corrupts me and pulls me into a pitfall. Maybe it was the earnest need to survive in this “money made world” which I was familiarized since the day I’ve born, and since the day that my parents born, and theirs and so on… Maybe was the impulse to grab the thrown buck… Possibly was the fake empty joy of riding the tsunami wave of capitalism.
So much fluctuations of will cannot do well to a simple guy like me. Who do I think I am now? Some hibrid version of Jean Paul Sartre and Nietzsche? I’m a musician, for god sake… Why am I concern about these things? Why aren’t we all? Why can’t be a change on this society? I think it is the time.
I save my words in a napkin… A napkin that is not made of paper but bits. I wipe my mouth on this blog and keep myself quiet… Not forever. Just for now
J. Mardigras